Kris Jenner Is To Motherhood What KKK Is To Racial Equality

Khloe Kardashian Cosmopolitan
Cover, duhh.

Did I get that right? I wonder, how much shit can one person give do to her family? It appears, as long as the checks are rolling in, A SHIT TON. And that’s metric, in case you’re keeping track. Seriously, some of the stuff that comes out of this person’s mouth is just baffling to me. Maybe it’s me? I try to imagine Kris as a nurturing, loving, as an OK person, who is by your side if you’re her number one earner, but who says this about their child? Here’s Khloe in Cosmopolitan UK:

“Words are the most powerful weapon; they can leave scars forever. She didn’t mean harm, but when I was around nine I overheard my mum telling her friend I needed a nose job. I was shocked; I hadn’t even thought about it. I’ve grown into my face but I’ve had makeup artists tell me, ‘You should get a nose job.’ I’m so happy that I never have…”

I bet Kris has a notebook titled “Shit I hate about my offspring.” It sounds mean, until you break it down.

First, let’s look at the word ‘offspring.’ Not child, mind you, because that becomes personal, and we all know that children are expandable and their sole purpose is to earn. You suck ’em dry and toss ’em out. Second, you have to have a list of things you don’t like about your kids. Of course. How else will you ever help them grow into the person you know they can be? Such silliness.

At least Khloe is taking this last year positively.

“I love the new year, new beginnings. I need a good fresh start; I’m excited for this year to be over with…You only live once so let’s make that one time perfect. We can’t fix our mistakes and imperfections, so let’s have fun. You get what you give out in life.”
I talk a lot of shit here, and say some not so nice things (nothing on the level of Kris Jenner mind you), but I think it’s good for Khloe to move on. She had a tough year, but she took care of herself. She could have ballooned up and become Jabba the Hutt, but she worked out, worked on herself and improved her image (much to the amazement of mamma bear).
“In the past year I think I’ve lost around 30 lbs, and I’m feeling good… I’ve worked very hard on my body so I think now I can sex it up a little! My 2014 mission is to wear a crop top with jeans. I’ve never done that so it has to happen one day.”
Good luck in 2014 Khloe. All the nice things I said aside, I hope you don’t balloon up. I couldn’t leave this post without saying something, could I? No, absolutely not. You’re welcome.